Uprising

The paranoia is in bloom, the PR
The transmissions will resume
They'll try to push drugs
Keep us all dumbed down and hope that
We will never see the truth around
(So come on!)

Another promise, another scene, another
A package not to keep us trapped in greed
With all the green belts wrapped around our minds
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined
(So come on!)

Chorus
They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

Interchanging mind control
Come let the revolution take its toll if you could
Flick the switch and open your third eye, you'd see that
We should never be afraid to die
(So come on!)

Rise up and take the power back, it's time that
The fat cats had a heart attack, you know that
Their time is coming to an end
We have to unify and watch our flag ascend

Chorus
They will not force us anekatips.com
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

Hey .. hey ... hey .. hey!
(repeat)

Chorus
They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

Hey .. hey ... hey .. hey!
(repeat)

i am back

after 90 days
spent worrying
about the sins
of others,
and their murderous ways,
i'm back.

workers (pronounced: thieves),
beware,
you are wanted,
and hunted -
and i'm back.

to all liars,
watch your tongues,
forked as they are,
they're split asunder,
speaking in devilish tongues,
all the while dressed in white.

frogs x 3

Revelation 16:13

"And I saw, coming out of the mouth of the dragon

and out of the mouth of the beast

and out of the mouth of the false prophet,

three unclean spirits like frogs."

Malleus Maleficarum

A land of darkness, as darkness itself;
and of the shadow of death,
without any order,
and where the light is as darkness.

THANKS!

When I read the following entry in another blog:

FREE BUTLERS PIZZA FOR ALL BLOG AWARDS NOMINEES

A bit of love from Seth

9.04.2009

I quite frankly did not believe a single word of it!

However it IS/WAS TRUE!!!!

Thank you SETH!
I loved the Pizzas from Butlers!
And I really appreciate your generosity.
Thank you Butlers too!

Ugo Geller

Ugo Geller is our travel duck.
He has his own page on FACEBOOK.
So, yes, you have to be a FACEBOOK member to see it!
Click ANYWHERE on this blog post, and you will be transported to his page.
Please REQUEST TO BE HIS FRIEND.

Heterosexual Porn

We broke all rules last night.
And watched str8 p0rn.
For 5 minutes.
Interesting.
Sort of.

Oh No, Chai Yo!

Went out for dinner last night to celebrate Ernie's birthday.
Went to one of our favourites, Chai Yo.
Two off-duty staff members fucked our evening up.
They were not inebriated.
They were pissed. They were fucking out of control. And they made a nuisance of themselves. With all the tables in the smoking section.
What a pity. We will not be returning in the foreseeable future. Nor will our guest.
What a pity. I am awaiting a call from management. I demand an apology. Come on, Dennis. Call me.

Jack Shat

Opened a KIT -KAT last night.
One of the four segments was SOLID chocolate!
I hate it when that happens.
Third time this year.

~end.

Month-end.

Pretend.
Stipend.
Defend.

Beg. Borrow. Lend.

Descend.
Misspend.

Boyfriend.

Dead-end.
Amend.
Depend.
Append.

Expend.
Offend.
Outspend.

Suspend.

Upend.

Weekend.

I hope you get cocked, motherfucker!

To the UCT student (I assume a student - no-one who is qualified could drive as badly as you did) who drove like such a poes, that I am driven (excuse the pun) to write about you.



I hope that your academic performance will match your inability to drive.
And that you will be forced to return to live with your parents.
In Upington. You drive live a cunt. Go cock yourself.

Thursday Morning. Another fucking marvelous day in Africa.

08:30
Thursday
Morning

Having breakfast with a friend @ 09:00
Being insane, I arrived @ the venue @ 08:20
I like to ensure that my mind is ready
After having smoked a joint
Whilst stuck in peculiar traffic conditions
In the Southern suburbs
Maybe they are normal traffic conditions
I have not needed to be ANYWHERE this early for more than 2 years

I have lost the art of coping with the normal workday traffic.

But I am loving my espresso.

@ Mel's.

Barely 650 metres from my house.

Still I drove.
I do not know why.

And smoked.
I know why.

Reflections on a holiday

Fashion Tip # 345

Never, NEVER reconstitute old curtains into a dress.

Lily Marched

It is (still) March.

2009.

And the March Lilies are blooming.

Blooming March Lilies.

Fashion Tip # 344

If your legs are
a pasty flesh colour,
do not wear
pasty flesh coloured footwear.
Ever. Please.

Fat German Sausages

To the fat unhappy German father and his fatter and unhappier German son:

We hope you had the sort of trip that your demeanour automatically elicits.
An unhappy, disastrous one.
You fat cunts.

Road Kill

Jesus wept!

Just after leaving a languid Swellendam we stumbled upon this horrific scene:


But fear not - all was well - the corpse was merely attempting to fix the front loader. He was not even injured. We shat ourselves. He did not.

Bitchell's Screwery - It leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth

Oh My God!
AM I GLAD I KEEP COPIES OF ALL E-MAILS!!!!

Prior to our sojourn to Knysna, and being somewhat of a control freak, I decided to send an e-mail to Mitchell's Knysna Brewery - after having visited their website. I did NOT want to miss this tour!

Herewith their courteous reply:

"Hi

Thank you for your email, we look forward to welcoming you to our special brewery. Below please find our tour and tasting information:

Our daily tour times are 10:30 &15:00 on weekdays only. Tastings can be done from 08:30 - 16:30 Mon - Fri and 09:30 - 12:30 on a Saturday.
Special tour times can be arranged for groups of four and more. The price for the tour and tasting is R 50.00 pp and a tasting only is R30.00 pp. Children under twelve years of age tour for free.

The tour normally takes 15-20 minutes and the tasting will depend on
a) the tasting option you choose
and
b) the time you have available to spend here.

The tasting can be done one of two ways: you can have a tasting glass of each beer or you can have a small taste of each beer and enjoy a pint of your favourite in our lovely beer garden.

Please give us a quick call before you come to check availability, we would hate to turn you away because we don't have space.

Regards,

Renée de Bruyn

Mitchells Knysna Brewery
044 382 4685
086 6841326 (F)
"
And so we decided that this was a MUST-SEE experience.
I, for one, adore my beer.
This experience was NOT TO BE MISSED.

We arrived 3 minutes 20 seconds late for the tour - which they had very kindly delayed for us - since we had called ahead (twice) to confirm our imminent arrival.

There were (if I can recall correctly) 8 people in our group.

I was going to do the R50.00 TASTING tour. The two other people in my party had opted to only do the R30.00 tour - the one sans the tasting.

The tour was fucking boring.

The tour guide was boring too.

Her name escapes me - but it was possibly Reneé. The same person who replied to my initial e-mail.

At the end of the fucking boring 15 minute tour, I chose to NOT do the tasting.
Something that the Tour Guide had said had been so distasteful, so nauseating, that I did not want to stomach their product.

To summarise: The shelf life of Mitchell's beer (or certain of their products) is 21 days. Old stock is returned to their factory - and is replaced by them at no additional cost to the distributors / merchants. All very eco-conscious.
The "old" stock is then "sold to the local guys @ a reduced price".
While I am certain that there is very little wrong with the OLD stock - what I want to know is: WHO THE FUCK ARE THE "LOCAL GUYS"?????

Are they the factory workers - the brewery is in an industrial area - and are Mitchell's therefore promoting alcoholism amongst the factory workers?
Or is Mitchell's encouraging alcohol dependency amongst the factory managers and owners? Are the "LOCAL GUYS" the previously disadvantaged men in the Knysna area. Is Mitchell's destroying neighbourhoods?

Is Mitchell's returning to the dop system?

Or do the wealthy male inhabitants of Thesen Island - where house prices range from R3 million to R9 million - stand in queues outside the Mitchell's shebeen - waiting to buy old product.
Is it these "local guys" - these financially independent men - that you were referring to?

I, quite frankly, do not give a fuck which GROUP of "local guys" you are referring to. Your comment was distasteful. It was wrong. Racist. Demeaning. Appalling. Disgusting.
You fucked up.
And I still have this terrible taste in my mouth.

As for the "certificate" we were all presented with upon our premature departure. I am returning it via ordinary mail. And I want my fucking R30.00 (I did NOT do the tasting part of the tour - so enraged was I - and so I got a discounted rate) back.


My friends also want their money back.

Ugo

U Go is our travel duck.
He is the perfect companion.
He never bitches.
He never moans.
He requires no food.
No drinks.
No medication.
He is always photogenic.
Always ready.
And always forgiving.
Thank you U Go.
We love you.


Follow his GROUP
(by clicking anywhere on this sentence)
on facebook.

And, as a bonus, you'll see never-seen-before photos.

Touched by an Elephant

To see and touch an Elephant has been my most humbling experience.
We, as humans, have placed them in their precarious situation.
They live in PARKS.
Man-made parks.
And, yet, they tolerate us.
How kind of them.
How cruel of us.
How tragic for them.
How sad for us.

A Fresh Pain in the Butt

Knysna.
Thesen Island.
On holiday.
Relaxed.
Local café.
Ingledew's.
Saturday morning. Order 2 x Espresso.
They arrive. Delicious. Each with a biscotti.
They, too, are delicious.
Have to pay 60 cents for a plastic bag.
Rather charge me R1.00 MORE per espresso, and avoid making me feel like I have been fucked from behind. RIP OFF! 60 cents for a fucking plastic packet. RIP OFF!

Sunday morning.
Return to Ingledew's. This time for 4 x Espresso.
They arrive. Delicious. Each WITHOUT a biscotti.
Price remains the same. Strange.
Rather charge me R1.00 LESS per espresso, and avoid making me feel like I have been fucked from behind. RIP OFF! No biscotti. RIP OFF!

Note even Ile de Pain - your competitors - would do that!

It takes 21 days to break a bad habit

It has been 21 days since my last post.

The wind was taken out of my sails, by the Cape Doctor, and so I quit The Argus Cycle Tour ± 8 kilometres after the start.
Next year.

We have just returned from an AWESOME holiday in Knysna. Thanks Liz. And Alex! And Ernie. And Mercedes. And Ugo. And Doug. And Rick. And Gail. And the Thesen family. And Raining Jane. And ABSA.

Shhh! I'm nervous.

The recent dearth of opinionated writing, is absolutely due to pre-Argus Cycle Tour nerves.

Stop. Sign.

I was sitting having a light lunch on this rather heavy day, when I overheard a table (comprising of three foreigners) talking about South Africa.

The eldest gentleman said:
"In South Africa a STOP sign is merely a suggestion."

How tragically true.

Gay or Straight?

Does Joost bat for the other team?
You decide!

Cock Size

Joost says “that few people know of my tattoo,
near a very private place”.

And that the man appearing in the video
had a “much larger penis” than his own.

Poor Joost.

Who does / does not want to be President?

oink-oink!

You can put lipstick on a pig.
It's still a pig.

You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change.
It's still gonna stink.

We've had enough of the same old thing.

Barack Obama, 2008

Déjà vu

Howard Centre Pinelands,
originally uploaded by DanieVDM.

Last Sunday.
Spur.
Strange story.

This Sunday.
Same Spur.
Same fucking story.

We were told - again - that the owner of the Pinelands Spur is too stingy to repair the TV in the Smoking Section.
Strange.

Same old. Same old.

I'm Ga-Ga about the Lady

Lady GaGa.

I (should not) adore her music.

It invigorates me.
It's camp.

It makes me go Ga-Ga.

As I sit here with my Poker Face.

Pianississimo

My silence
is a direct consequence
of the looming
Feb 5 deadline
for Tax Returns to be filed electronically
with South African Revenue Services.

Spurned

I love waiters.
Not waitrons.
That WORD is bad.






It sounds like automaton.
Way too clinical.
And way too PC.

Yesterday we went to the Spur in Pinelands.
To watch tennis. Whatever.
I was informed by one of the waiters at the Cincinnati Spur, Pinelands, that the owner is way too tight-arsed to repair the TV.

Let me explain:
In the smoking section, which is where we sat (since we are all smokers) there are two ANTI-THEFT brackets - both of which are meant to have television sets mounted on them - for the patrons to watch.

One of the anti-theft brackets is empty. I must assume that the TV was stolen.
The other houses a non-functional TV. As it has done for some months.
There ARE other TV sets - that work - but they are all in the NON-SMOKING section.

When we suggested that the TV be repaired, the waiter informed us that: "the owner (of the Spur) would NEVER spend money on that! He wants to keep it all."

We requested Vodka Shots (chilled - how else do you serve them?) or Tequila Shots (chilled - how else do you serve them?) - and were informed that although the staff had, on numerous occasions, requested that these products be kept refrigerated - their request was denied.

We assumed that this is so as to save money.
For the owner.

Warm Tequila : Not Nice.
But we drank them anyway.

Sunday Eve

Sunday evenings are depressing?
I totally disagree.
Any eve (or Adam, for that manner) could be depressing - it's up to you.

Welcome to the FIRST week of February. 2009.

Cycling.

Mountain Climbing.

Ball Boys

Shhh! Don't tell my mama. 

We're sitting in the SPUR - watching the Australian Open Men's Final. Nadal vs Federer.

There are 3 of us. 

One supports Nadal. 

One Supports Federer

And I support BOTH. 

I win (or as the waiter says: LOSE) either way.

Eat Shit!

Why do we, collectively, eat shit from Fast Food Franchises?
I am not about to debate the nutritional value of Fast Food Outlets, and their somewhat similar menus. Nor shall I question the eco-compliance of their vendors.

We, the client, pay them money, and they (the fast food outlet) supply us with the item, as shown in Hi-Def Glossy Print on their menus - or as we have come to expect.

Good.
Eat yourself to death.

But no!
Go to STEERS in Blouberg (on the beach road) and get treated.
Like shit. To shit.
Get your order fucked up - by unhappy, incompetent, unpleasant, rude, unhelpful, unaccommodating, unworthy staff.
And get NO sauces.
Not even one single fucking disgusting sauce!
GUARANTEED!

Fuck off.
I want my money back.
I want to vomit in front of your patrons.
And then wipe my arse with the refund voucher.
In front of your patrons.

Black Arse Blue

Derive no pleasure from the failure of others.
And, yet, that is PRECISELY what I did.

Last night.

I wept.
With joy.

When Lopez thought her handbag had been snatched.
And jumped.

Off her bar stool.

And ran. And slipped. Down the steps. And fell. Her arse off.

KA-POW!
(Afrikaans: DOEF-DOEF)

I. Nearly. Pissed. Myself!

A person should not laugh at the failure of others.
But fuck that.

ps: Her handbag had not been snatched.
Her dementia wa caused by her excessive consumption of alcohol.

Bidet

Today is my b/day.

Mel Aware

When your regular Watering Hole becomes boring.
Move on.
There are fantastic places waiting to be discovered in the Southern Suburbs.

My #1 Favourite:
Mel's Village Kitchen
Tel: 021 685 6688
E-mail: mels@villagekitchen.co.za
Address: Rondebosch Village, Klipfontein Road, Rondebosch
Directions: M5 towards Muizenberg. Take Klipfontein turn-off and turn left at robots. Opposite Red Cross Children's Hospital next to Woolworths.
GPS Co-ordinates: 33°57'9.97"S, 18°29'17.81"E

Great food, great cocktails, great beer specials and Mel's Burger is TO DIE FOR! Well, not HER Burger - but rather the Burger named AFTER her.


My current SECOND Favourite:
The Sundowner Bar
City Lodge, Pinelands
Tel: 021 685 7944
E-mail: clpine.resv@citylodge.co.za
Address: Mowbray Golf Park, off Raapenberg Road, Pinelands, Cape Town
Directions: From Cape Town International Airport
Take the N2 City highway. Drive for approximately 12km.
Take the second Raapenberg Road/Pinelands offramp.
At stop street turn left into Raapenberg Road.
At the first set of traffic lights, turn right, past the golf club.
GPS Co-ordinates: 33°56'52.53"S, 18°29'25.08"E

The WORST décor in town, and desperate service to boot - but what a FANTASTIC venue - especially in Summer when you should sit outside, next to the pool.



A few fantastic others: Chai Yo, The Wild Fig, The River Club, Poncho's (in Obz) as well as Babbo's.

I have been eclipsed

The partial solar eclipse of earlier today was impressive. For the simple reason that it would appear that ALL Capetonians waited at home until AFTER the eclipse - before heading off to work this AM. I left home at 09:30 - and the traffic into Cape Town was unbelievable. It took me 35 minutes just to get to the Foreshore. Fuck.
All the bad drivers.
In town.

I have now returned to the relative sanity of the Southern Suburbs. Phew. It's great being back.

Matt Black - Pornstar

My voyeuristic desires remain, somewhat surprisingly, unappeased by my attendance (TWICE) of the Tattoo Convention yesterday.

Instead, the car pictured here REALLY stole my imagination.

Matte Black is the new Black in town. And it is so much easier to keep clean.

I thought HE was pretty impressive, too!

For more: "MASTERS OF SKIN", by Selene Brophy

Unconventional

Today is Saturday.
I'm off to the Tattoo Convention.
@ CTICC

Cricket

Beer
Boys
Balls
Boxes.

Beer,
Beer,
Beer.
Beautiful
Boys.
Plenty
of
Balls.
And
Boxes.

Pumping

Despite my five hundred 500 Server Errors of late, iTunes still pumps out the digital content that I request.
When I request.
As I request it.

This I do not understand. If the pipe is blocked, then ALL users downstream should surely receive only a trickle. But NO! Log into iTunes and purchase ANY song - and watch the invisible music download as fast as ever.

Dear , are YOU the internet?
Or do you merely own it?